Resume after two months

So, my resume after two months of training, apart from my ups and downs, first, I would say that the name Jiu-Jitsu, which means gentle art, is a scam! The one who gave it that name was a joker. I don’t see which part is gentle when a 20, 30, or 40kg heavier Dude lies on me and tries to strangle me or break my arm. I feel how my inner body parts are crying for help, and his long beard in my mouth is choking me. Or when a much younger lad is flying around me like a bee and eventually submits me. My shoulders are already in such a condition that I have to tap myself while taking off the rashguard after class.

Apart from that, I have learned to survive (mostly successfully but not always). That I should always try to have three points of control. Don’t let anyone bully you (like knee on the chest) – do something. If someone pushes to one side, destabilize him so that you pull him to that side. Fetus position. Shoulders away from the bottom. My side control has become so good that often (stronger and younger) white belts do not manage to escape from it. I have learned the importance of immobilizing body parts like the shoulders, head, and hips – I do not always know how to do it in all positions, but it will come. I have learned to keep my elbows close to my body, inside. I have learned to tap early enough to avoid any injuries. My taping is mainly due to my sore shoulder or neck, and not because my rolling partner submitted me. For me, it's a big satisfaction when I’m not submitted, and if I manage to get somebody to tap, it’s like an Olympic medal. I am also sometimes struggling with some panic attacks when a big guy lies on me—some kind of claustrophobia. I need to learn how to control it better. Of course, I have to improve my techniques, mobility, endurance, and strength. There is a lot to do until I become a black belt (if I live long enough) :-)